A second chance
by forgotten-kiss
Summary: well its mainly marissa's story she arrives at college, alone in Boston, she wanted to get out of Newport, she bumps int2 an old friend who was the last person she would expect to c, mab rm ss eventually, but hu can resist sum twists & turns along the way
1. a new begining

**A second chance**

Marissa closed the door and slumped to the floor where she sat for about a minute. Thoughts were buzzing through her head; memorises of the summer, past year and beyond. So it had got up to this, she thought. No more high school, she was past that now, never to go back. Those times were locked in the past.

This room was her future. She raised her head and looked around a t her new place; there was boxes pilled everywhere-she hadn't meant to pack this much; but as Summer had been helping there hadn't been much chance of travelling light.

She smiled to herself, thinking of her best friend, and how she must be going through a very similar experience right now, but in Los Angeles. She was on the verge of calling her when she decided against it, she didn't want to call home or anything like home, not when she had only just so nearly escaped it.

Julie had almost stopped her coming here, she'd said that she'd be happier if Marissa was nearer home and "why did she want to leave anyway? She was living this 'perfect life', why give that up to live like a student in some tiny apartment; in a location that was hardly Newport Beach."

But then again that was Julie all over Marissa thought to herself, trying to think reasonably; and also unclench her fist. Julie always made her feel like this though: like she wanted kick and slap every inch of that womans body. Now, thank god, she was hundreds of miles away from her, all the way across the country and it would be ages until she next had to lay eyes on her again. With that thought locked firmly in her head she moved from her spot on the floor ready to tackle the immense amount of unpacking before her.

Marissa talked a few boxes until she came to the one with her Cd player in. she plugged into the wall and, hoping there was a CD inside, pressed play. The opening notes of Jeff Buckley's hallelujah filtered through the speakers filling the room. A flood of memories cascaded into Marissa's head, she always skipped this song and hadn't listened to it for ages; it meant too much. She could feel a lump in her throat and tears in her eyes as memory after memory flashed before her eyes. Every note of this song reminded her of Ryan, and how much she wanted him back.

The moments kept on appearing in her head until she was lying on her bed, sobbing.

Ever since that day on the beach she had tried to block him out of her mind completely. She hadn't shared as much as a 'hello' with him since then. Her and Seth had tried to remain friends, as he and Summer was still a couple at his point, but it hadn't exactly worked. When Summer finally broke it off with Seth in the final semester Marissa finally bloked that part of her life off permanently. It had been incredibly hard every time she had seen them 2 together as it reminded her of what her and Ryan had had and how the 4 of them used to be. She had been glad when I had ended with Seth and Summer, (naturally she had never said that) now she could completely move on.

The 2 girls had had a wild time after that. Not necessarily good, but wild. There had been so many drunken nights where she had got with random guys and nothing ever leading anywhere; she wouldn't let it. If falling in love was going to hurt as much as the first time she wasn't letting it happen again.

In that summer her letters arrived from her college applications. Most were saying that she had place and hoped they would see her next semester. Thankfully she had a choice of 3 east coast colleges, which meant as far away from Newport as possible. That was her plan, to escape. On the other hand USC had also offered her a place. Julie had made her apply for it, much to Marissa's distaste. It wasn't that it was bad, but she wanted to get away.

It wouldn't have happened, but, for once, things went well for her. Jimmy and Hailey had returned from Tokyo-married-and helped fight Marissa's case. Somehow, it all worked out, and now she was here, in Boston! She loved her dad so much. She didn't want to think what would have happened if he hadn't shown up. She'd probably be being show around USC right now.

She had been so wrapped up in her thoughts she hadn't realised that the music had stopped; the CD had run straight through. Marissa looked at her watch, it was 4:30. Her dad and Hailey had left at 1:00. She looked around, shed done 5 boxes in like 3 hours; she knew she wouldn't do anymore, well not for the moment anyway so she decided to leave it and go out, get a coffee, maybe meet some people. She took one look at herself in the mirror at her puffy, red eyes and her make-up stained face and decided to get cleaned up before headsing out or she might scare the whole town on first day of being here.

Marissa stepped out of her building into the afternoon sunshine, granted, it was much colder than Newport, but that was what made her smile, it was new and dfferent, nothing like Newport at all. "Maybe I'l meet some_ real_ people for once" she thought to herself.

She was walking down to a place 'where' apparently 'everyone hangs out' according to a student hat had shown her around on a previous visit. She hadn't liked her much, she'd been so 'plastic', so 'Newport'. Maybe that was a bit far; but that person was everything she was trying to escape from, she was so tired of putting on a front, shed been doing it for so long and it was wearing her down. The alcohol had numbed it for her and seemed to have made it easier to cope with, but the endless times when she had woken up with her head pounding, trying to remember what she had done the previous night and what it felt like not to feel like _this_.

She had sub- consciously retreated back inside a bottle ever since, that day. The first time he left she let go, but not this bad. When they'd been together again, only for that short time…no!

Marissa stopped herself. She didn't need to do this to herself. She had locked those thoughts away deep inside her head and mentally thrown away the key. Why had she, after all this time, suddenly gone back to pinning for him? She raised her head to take in her surroundings and realised that she was in an area full of cafes and students.

'This must be the hip, fun place', she thought to herself, without much conviction. She walked into the nearest café. A few pairs of eyes followed her inside as the door swung shut.

"Great, high school all over again." She muttered to herself, without looking up.

"Sorry, what was that again?" a guy said in a bored drawl

It hit her she'd reached the front of the queue. "Oh, sorry, err a latte with a vanilla shot, please"

"Sure, $3.75 please."

She looked up as he said that; his voice sounded familiar.

"Yeah, I'l-Seth! Hey. Wow, this summer changed you!"

"Well, actually, you haven't properly looked at me since you and Ryan- I'll stop now. Hi Marissa." He ended awkwardly.

"Yeah, I suppose, sorry about that" she continued, it wasn't getting any less awkward "well we've all moved on, I guess… so, wait you're going to college here right?"

"Err, pretty much"

"Wow an answer from Seth Cohen with no sarcasm at all. Are you OK?" she asked in mock concern.

"Ha ha ha, funny, well, like you said, we've all moved on. I've changed."

"I never thought I'd-

"Hey, move along, some people would like some coffee, you know!" shouted some random person from the pretty long queue that had now formed behind her.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I should really go, see you around. Oh wait $4.00 right?" as she pulled out some coins.

"3.7-"

"Don't worry about the change"

"Thanks, see ya Marissa"

"Bye"

She took her drink and sat down in a squashy armchair by the window, reliving that strange meeting over in her head.

He was one of the last people she was expecting to hear from, let alone see, any time soon. He seemed to have changed, and she wasn't quite sure how to talk to him. When the 4 of them were friends they'd become pretty close; and now, well should she act like they used to, or should they start over. She'd been so cold to him since her and Ryan had finished-he'd said so himself-would he even want to speak to her?

"Hey, Marissa, are you doing anything now?" Seth was standing there answering her question. Apparently he did still want to speak to her.

"Um, not really, apart from some unpacking, like 50 years of it; but that can wait. Why? What you got in mind?"

"I just got the afternoon off, so I thought we could catch up. Have you been in the town yet?" Marissa shook her head.

"I only just got hear today."

"Well it's totally awesome, there's the hugest comic book store ever!"

Marissa laughed, "Seth Cohen is back! You haven't completely changed then, have you."?

"No, not enough to stop the comic books."

"Ok then lets go, you can show me around this place, I can see all the 'cool places that everyone hangs out at"

"Marissa, was that a joke? Everyone wow Marissa Cooper was being funny" at this point she gave him a look "hey, what you're never joking. It's an achievement, we're all very proud…"

They walked out the café with Seth still talking and Marissa laughing. She was actually having fun, she wasn't pretending, or to out of it to care. Just happy. She hadn't realised how much she'd missed hanging out with him, he was so original and genuinely funny. Marissa was glad that they could go back to being friends; she really needed one right now and was glad it was him that she found.


	2. youve got a friend in me :D

Ok hi there sorry i dint really put anything about this o the last chaper-im still a bit confused by it all! but yer- i hope someone read it and if they did enjoyed it- i thougth id get this one up aswell though, coz incase anyone did actually read it and wanted more its here.

also if you have any confusions dont hesitate to add them to a reveiw or watever and ill answer it asap!

one last thing; disclaimer: i own nothing of the oc well anything of proper value so if you were thinking to sue me because i forgot t owrite one last time-don't. But thank you for reading.

all sorted/ briliant; now, on with the story...

They were walking around the park together late that afternoon, as Seth felt he'd shown her the best parts of the town-the comic book store really was huge. She'd also noticed some really cute boutiques, which she had made a mental note to check out later.

Coming back to the preset. Marissa gazed around the park. It was, late afternoon, just before the sun would start setting, the sunrays reflected off objects, bouncing around. It really was beautiful.

"So…what do you think, its pretty nice, right?"

"Yeah its beautiful. - Thanks for hanging out with me this afternoon; I really needed a friend". She went to sit down on a bench facing the river, watching the sunrays dance on the water's surface.

Seth came over and sat down next to her, looking across the river at the people on the other side; then over to the girl next to him.

"Are you OK Marissa…really?"

"Err; I'm great, why. What do you mean, like now?" She tried feigning ignorance but knew exactly what he meant; she knew he'd seen her, around school, down on the beach and other places crying; or with swollen, red eyes from crying. One time over the summer he'd caught her, alone in the afternoon taking swigs straight from a vodka bottle. She'd only seen him turn around and skate off, but she knew he'd seen.

"You know what I mean, and even though we haven't really spoken in, like, forever; i've seen you around and i've been really worried about you." He paused before continuing. He had to choose his words very carefully, or else he could really mess things up.

" I know I wasn't around, but I herd what happened the first time… the first time he left; over the summer. And…well I saw it the second time. Well while we're doing this, I also saw you and sum-moving on, blocking us two out. It really hurt. Sorry i'm saying all this, it doesn't sound like me at all; but I know you haven't been happy for a while and I wondered if you wanted to talk about it. It might help us, both you know.

I mean we're starting this whole new thing, which is, like really big; and we should both get the chance to move on, I mean really move on. What do you think?"

Marissa had been completely thrown by that; she hadn't expected it at all, and especially not from Seth. He was right; some of him really had changed, grown up. She wasn't quite sure how to respond to that. Her brain was buzzing and sending her so many signals and emotions she didn't know what to do. Parts of her were screaming out in anger, others embarrassed as she finally realised what she'd really been acting like recently and some more defending her. So many thoughts were trapped inside her she thought she would explode if she didn't let them out soon enough.

She faced Seth and felt a lump in her throat, just like earlier, when she had heard that song. Her eyes began to glaze over.

"Can we talk…please." She managed as tears began again to tumble over her eyes.

"Sure Marissa" he replied, uneasily, he wasn't really sure what to do about the crying girl sitting next to him, how should he react.

Finally instinct took over as he placed his arm around her and pulled her in for a hug.

The two sat like that for what seemed an eternity. Frozen in time until the sun had completely disappeared behind the buildings across the river.


	3. We can work it out

**A/N**Aha chapter 3 im so good lol, i really am gonna try and update this REALLY often, promise-but i cant untill monday coz im off 2 Paris tomorrow morning-lifes tough lol but i may put 1 more up tonight.

and by the way it makes me so happy that you remembered this fic from like yonks ago!sorry i didnt carry on with it-lots of technical hitches that i dnt understand- i'll try to do a better job on the updating this time!

**Disclaimer:** I donot apprecitatesueing so please do not bother-it will not be worth your while. Trust me.

now on with chapter 3: **We can work it out**

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When they broke apart Marissa looked up at Seth and saw his eyes were slightly swollen and bloodshot; when Seth realised what she was looking at he stammered a lame excuse.

"Look i'm allergic and the amount of pollen around us right now, from, from the plants. Its ridiculous."

This made her laugh

"Sure, whatever." she paused. "I know it's been tough on you too"

"Well…yeah I suppose it kinda has."

At this point a cool breeze blew off the river, which made Marissa shiver.

"I'd offer you a jacket or something but…"Seth trailed off ant pointed to himself, indicating his long-sleeved top and t shirt on top.

"It's OK, erm, my place isn't too far from the coffee house. But I don't know how far we are from there."

"Well we're not that far; my place is around that area as well"

"But you'll still come in, right?"

"Sure"

"Great, you can help me with the unpacking!" she replied and couldn't help but laugh at his look. "OK if it's _that_ painful-"

"Jokes, sure I'll help you." Marissa laughed again, her tears had helped her let some emotion go. She believed that talking about it might actually release her from this pain at last.

They'd been walking for about 20 minutes when they finally reached the coffee house.

"That was hardly near" she stated" but never mind, i'm only about a couple of minutes away from here, I think."

Finally they reached Marissa's front door- it had taken them longer than planed, as they'd got a bit lost taking the wrong road- at this point Seth was mumbling something about driving and Sat. Nav.

As they pulled the door open the many towers of boxes greeted them.

"How much stuff do you need?" Seth asked exasperated, wondering what he hell could be in all these boxes.

"Well I packed with Sum-sorry." Like he needed to hear that name, idiot, she thought to herself.

"It's ok, really." He said, quietly. Marissa, however didn't buy it, she could see the pain in his eyes. Summer had never exactly said what had happened between them. She'd just turned up at Marissa's house one day, her eyes were a bit puffy, but there were no tears then. All she said on the matter was quite simply

"I've finished with him." And that was the end of the matter.

At that point Marissa had been so glad that she could completely close that door in her mind and cut off the past from the present. She'd felt bad for Summer of course; but never felt curios to what had happened between the two. Now, though, she did wonder.

"Seth, I know this isn't really my place to ask, and you don't have to answer, but what happened with you and Summer?"

Seth's face fell, he'd hoped they could have avoided that topic and it wouldn't have come up. The boys had had a hard time after the break ups as well. Seth couldn't say much about Ryan's troubles because, basically he didn't know. He' become even more withdrawn since then. They'd both tried dating other girls but it hadn't been the same. A few times the two had gone out; but seeing as Ryan had never exactly enjoyed the 'harbour party scene' and Seth Cohen was, well Seth Cohen, those nights had been minimal and pretty uneventful.

Seth missed Summer, but was glad when he could finally get away from her. He'd been offered a place everywhere he'd applied for: Yale, Berkley, USC, NYU and Boston. Seth still wasn't sure why he choose Boston, he'd had the pick of some of the best colleges in the states; but it'd appealed to him. No one was going there, so he'd thought. This had triggered his mind to look up at the girl sitting by him. She'd been one of his closest friends at one point. We're such an unlikely pair, he thought to himself. Quite similar but completely different at the same time. How did we end up friends? The answer hit him. Ryan. The guy that had broke this girl's heart. his best friend. His brother. That's how he'd met Summer. Summer, he'd tell her now, his emotions were everywhere and he needed to get them out. It was the only way forward.

"Ok, I'll tell about me and Summer; but you'll have to tell me about you and Ryan. What really happened on the beach?"


	4. A problem shared etc

**A/N:**a/n's at the bottom-be patient :p

**Disclaimer: **same as always-please stop stalking me-i know your there shifty eyes form somewhere

Chapter 4(jeez 4-comitment): a problem shared is a problem halved-sure

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He'd caught her there, but she needed to talk about it and this'd help her in the end. She hadn't told anyone what had happened. She' d never told anyone what he or she'd said to each other ever. She'd tried to forget but she remembered every word said. It was as though it had been seared into her mind and it couldn't be erased.

"Well OK I'll tell you."

She paused, unsure how to begin.

"Well you know how it took us all a long while to go back to the way we were when you guys came back. I mean a lot had changed, we'd changed .We all tried new people, and we tried being _just friends_-you know all this as well as I do.

Well-anyway-when it was right again; it was great. "She paused and smiled, remembering those times. "It was just like the year before; the four of us best friends and in love. Then, around October of our senior year Theresa's mom called, saying Ryan should get to the hospital in Chino-"

"I remember that, I was there when she called, Dad drove him down, they didn't come back for ages, like the next day."

"_He called me_" Marissa cut in. She had thought it going to be hard- but now she was started, she couldn't stop. "He'd called me saying he'd have to cancel our plans that day, I was like, why? He said he was at the hospital. I panicked, but he said he was fine; just a bit in shock and he tell me everything tomorrow; oh, and that he loved me." Again she paused, remembering how horribly wrong it'd gone after that.

"I didn't find out what had happened for ages, but I noticed how subdued he'd be, and how often he'd 'be busy then' or 'sorry can we reschedule?'

I didn't know what was up with him, but something was.

The day I finally found out-it was one weekend fairly near Christmas break- the weather was nice, really warm for late November. So I called Ryan and said did he want to do anything, but _surprisingly_ enough, he was busy-'studying'- I know Ryan and he can't lie, at all. I knew something; he wasn't studying.

I don't know what I was thinking then but I had to get away, escape. I'd already lost him once and then fought so hard to get him back, I wasn't going to loose him; I couldn't loose him-he was everything to me."

Marissa hadn't realised quite when the tears had started but now they had engulfed her; streaming down her face in torrents. This was proving harder than she had ever prepared herself for-opening up and baring her weak, broken heart for the world to see was a brand new experience for her. This wasn't just about sharing this particular event; it was all the unhappiness that had built up in her through the years. Built up behind walls so strong to keep it from all pouring out and drowning her in the misery of the past.

These walls, though, appeared to have finally given in and had caved to let all her sorrows out.

Instinctively, Seth comforted the limp frame that was Marissa, sobbing onto his top; and as he sat there for a bit realised that he could be in for a long night. The strange thing he discovered though was that he didn't mind; he truthfully wanted to help her and get her through all of this pain that had been locked inside her for, he now realised, much too long.

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**A/N**well there we go-im sorry it was short but 4 chapters in 2 days pretty impresive non? im just sweetening you up because as sad as it is to say the earliest i will next be able to post is monday evening-but wait i do actually have to write the ending of it so it will proably be, wait for it- tuesday-sorry people!

it may not affect you that deeply but i will ask you to stay with me and dont forget about me coz you dont know how greatful i am that some people actually read this and take time to review it-thanx so much!

oh yeah one last thing, it will get back to actual dialouge soon enough- but they have to tell there little story things as is begining to become apparent! but BARE WITH ME PLEASE lol

Well i guess thats all form me 4 a bit :o( sorry-ill bring you back some of the eiffel tower how about that! anybody? no? allright then...crawls into hole


	5. the plot thickens lol now rite lol

**(new) A/N: **omg i am so sorry i am the biggest gimp known to man-i admitit lol- i tried to do a good deed and it kinda backfired-FOOL, ok it must hav been lack of sleep...obviously kk so lets just forget that ever happend and heres the RIGHT peice 4 chapter 5, i hope! 

**(old)A/N:**Well hey there! i have returned 4rm Paris and...OASIS yesterday lol was so emmense(emmense!lol) i have aslo returned with a new instalment which i hope you may like. one last thing my updated probably won't be as frequent as the 1st bulk but i will try to keep them comming asap kk thats all :op

**Disclaimer:** Same as before and if you cant remember that go back and check...(still dont appreciate sueing)

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Once Marissa had composed herself again, she continued with a fresh wave of determination; strength appeared out of nowhere. She was resolute not to cave again.

"Well, I couldn't loose him, but I didn't know what to do; what could I do call him back and demand the truth? I was stuck. So, so; I didn't know what else to do OK!" She yelled as another few tears fell down her cheeks

"I didn't know how else to deal with it," she said in barley more than a whisper.

"The alcohol always numbed it for me; but I knew how much of a strain this would put on our relationship if Ryan ever found out, I hadn't touched it in ages. I hadn't needed to; I'd been happy. But that had all changed.

I went down to the beach; I felt free there (or maybe that was the alcohol taking over) and it let me forget my problems; if only for a short while."

"I was sitting on some rocks, a bit out of sight –well I didn't want t broadcast myself drinking neat vodka alone, on the beach. But I heard something, which caught my attention

"_Ryan, stop moving! Or the picture will blur!"_

"_Oh right, yeah, sorry."_

"_Sure" some laughter "I sorry if I want my son's first trip to the sea to be a _nice_ memory!" more laughter._

"Our_ son; you know I'm here for him no matter what. You only have to call."_

"_I kno-Marissa?" _

I couldn't believe what I was hearing; but I sure as hell didn't want to hear anymore.

"_What; what is this?" _

"_Look, Marissa, I know how this looks, might look-strange"_

"_STRANGE! I've never seen anything less _strange-_that bastard's meant to be dead. Or, wait, don't tell me-you got her pregnant again!"_

"_Marissa-"_

"_No, don't you 'Marissa' me again. How did you keep this from me-why? Did you really think it was a good idea to keep this from me? I just don't get it." _

"_Ryan, I'm gonna go, you guys, need some space-come on Benjy; da-daddy will see you soon-bye."_

Once Theresa left, left with his baby, his son, it all began to sink in, but it was still so hard to believe. But I did believe one thing; I was surer of it than anything else in the world-he was leaving. He was leaving me, to be with her and _Benjy. _Leaving all over again.

It was like when someone catches their partner in an affair; that was the escape route for the partner; they didn't want to tell the other one, so they waited until they got found out.

"You weren't meant to find out like this" "Oh, so when was I meant to find out then-on his 21st?" "No! It's not like that, not at al! I only found out a month ago-when he was rushed in to hospital- Theresa's mom called me. He had something go drastically wrong, they thought he wouldn't make it. Her mom said she wouldn't be able to forgive herself if I never knew about him-or only found out when it was too late." "And you think that will get you a sympathy vote?" 

"_What? No, I'm just telling you the truth-I couldn't come to terms with it myself for a while and when he came out of hospital I knew I had to be a part of his life"_

She paused for a bit this recall was draining her mentally and physically. She looked over at Seth-to check he hadn't left or fallen asleep, when she saw him with a complete look of shock on his face.

"Seth, what's up?" she enquired slightly nervously.

"He-he had a kid. All this time. And-and it just slipped his mind to tell me?" He looked completely lost, like an animal separated from its group, bewildered and alone.

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so erm hope u liked that 1 and agen reli reli sorry, im just a girl of very little brain..am i forgiven? plz lol 


	6. relflectoin and regret

**A/N:** Cliffhanger? I hope it might have caused a bit of suspense/shock/some kind of reaction lol anyway hope you enjoyed it andi just wanna say how much i LOVE your reviews-no jokes! absolutly anything shows me you actually like it enough to post anything at all thats not abuse-im not giving you ideas...:D

That really was to say just cause i dont resopnd to you all individually, it doesn't meen i done REALLY APPRECIATE them lol, all dun now.

**Disclaimer:** i used to think they were amusing to write-i thought wrong, I HATE DISCLAIMERS!

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"Sorry?" stammered Marissa. "You didn't know?"

"Well apparently not." He said with a bit more force than he'd meant. "Sorry" he added as an after thought.

"Don't worry. Sorry I just assumed you would know-he tells you everything. You're brothers."

"You'd think that" a hint of reproach in his voice. "But it's just been so…different. You wouldn't get it. It's just not the same anymore. We, we needed you guys, for the fantastic four to be fantastic again. The terrific two; not so terrific."

"God, trust you to lighten the mood"

"The mood needs lightening. The dark's not a friendly place." He'd meant that in more ways than one, and Marissa had totally picked up on it. She knew she had to continue her story; she'd had her break, now back to the task.

"…_When he came out of hospital I knew I had to be a part of his life"_ Marissa's mind catapulted her back to the point she'd cut off at…

"It was that point when it sunk in that I'd already lost him-that sounds selfish I know, he had the right to love his son-everyone should have that-but all the history with Theresa had finally caught up, they've known each other their whole lives how could I ever, even thought I'd ever be able to compete with that?" Her voice had gradually got higher as she was talking, but no tears escaped her bloodshot eyes this time.

She gritted her teeth and continued:

"I-I don't really know why, I don't even know how I managed to say it. The alcohol made everything so much worse, this really couldn't have happened at a worse time." She attempted a stifled laugh, which didn't quite reach her eyes; they were full of distress and regret, as though she would give anything, absolutely anything to take back what she had said soon after.

"_You were in shock; shock can't last for a whole month! You've got to get on with your life! Keep moving._

_You're also meant to SHARE things with the people that mean the most to you; it makes things easier! But apparently you've done a lot of sharing-just not with me. With her, she obviously means more to you than I do. She clicks her fingers and you go running. Twice!"_

"_God! What is wrong with you? She's Ben's mom! She-she's Theresa" he whispered the end part softly, like it came off the sea breeze._

This had been the final straw, the thing to break her. She knew him well enough, too well, knew him like no other; and the look he had just cast upon thinking of _her_, was her look, Marissa's look. Love. He loved Theresa. The realisation was cruel; even though it hadn't been identical to the one reserved especially for her, there had been too many similarities for it to be denied.

"_Who else knows?"_

"_Just Sandy and Kirsten" _

"_Not Seth? Or were you giving the same privilege as me? Keeping us immune to the truth, so we wonder helplessly, every day and night, what the hell has gotten into you this past month, without even the slightest hope of finding out, even though you mean more to both of us than either of us can say!" silence followed_

"_No, no he doesn't know"_

"_Well lucky Seth, you'd better tell him soon; if you leave it like you did last time, he'll sail away for sure and if he does, they'll be a queue of people trying to kill yo-"_

"_What? Last time? Marissa, I'm not leaving. Just because I'm being a part of my son's life does not mean I'm going back! You're one of the most important people in my life-you know that; I can't leave you"_

"There, he loved me I could see it plain as anything; he loved me and he wasn't leaving; but the image I saw, his face, his eyes. It was all too much. I wanted to go up to him and hug him, let him know nothing mattered and I was on his side.

But I couldn't, something in me wouldn't let me reach out. It was unbearable-he was slipping away from me and somehow I was trapped, helpless and unable to reach out and grab him. Something was between us; something that hadn't been there before and I didn't know how to break it. So I did the only thing I knew how to do-loose him."

At this point Marissa's eyes were glistening.

"I managed to say it. I dunno, how though. I wish so much I never had. It was irreversible. Impossible to overcome; I sounded like a monster."

"_Now. But what about in a few years time; months even. He'll be doing all this stuff I sure as hell can't share with you. First steps, first words. First trip to the beach; looks like I made that one though-it's turned out great" A false, drunken laugh echoed from Marissa at this._

"_And, if we stayed together, ended up wanting a house, marriage, f-family. It wouldn't be right 'cause you would feel guilty, remembering some of these experiences first time round and not having stayed with her. You love her too, and you need to decide: will it be now, with Theresa. Or later, with me."_

The silence that followed that echoed eternally in Marissa's head; never quite having left her since it had happened.

* * *

**Me again:**Well hope that was good-i think it may be ok but your the people that know so i'll let you judge (posting to inform me of something ridiculusly stupid like should i say it...posting the same chapter twice is always apreciated lol) kk i'll be off now,toodlesxox


End file.
